her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
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THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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