And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
