This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
