Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
