Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
