I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
