I just gift wrapped bread.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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