Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
