margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The power of my boobs compel you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
