did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
