...so i touched it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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