oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
