Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
