I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
