Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
