Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
