life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
