I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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