Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
