Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
