you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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