I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
