Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
