Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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