You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
