Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
