We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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