we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
