Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
