I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
