oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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