I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
