oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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