They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
