mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
