i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
