i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
