Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
