she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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