she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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