seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
