I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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