FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
