Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
