Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
