Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
