sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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