butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just google imaged poop.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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