She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my being single is dangerous.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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