stop calling my apartment porn island.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
