can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
