Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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