win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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