Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
