...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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