Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
