He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
