i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
