I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
