He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
