literally had 100 drinks last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
