My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ok first of all what the fuck
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
