I love black thongs
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
