dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
