Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
