so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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