Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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