If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
