OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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