i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
