I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If that was your dad, he is hot
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
