Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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