Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
