booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
