how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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