I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
