i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
