the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
