I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
