Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He shit in the fireplace
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
