After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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