I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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