I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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