just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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